Submitted by Jonalee Echols from Bullard Texas - http://www.ajokeaday.com/
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
3. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
6. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
7. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
9. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
10. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
11. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Posted on November 30, 2006 in Purely Hypothetical | Link

It went something like this. “You girls look extremely attractive. Maybe it’s this finals high that I have because before my tests I just didn’t see the exquisite beauty in everything. Now that my finals are over everything just seems so damn awesome. I’m going to go have sex with a toaster. Later!”

Posted on November 29, 2006 in Purely Hypothetical | Link

Yeah so I like to play with water balloons right. The other day I filled up a water balloon with my urine. That's right, I blew up a balloon then quickly urinated in it filling it up to the top. Then I kept it in my car until someone cut me off, so I popped open my sunroof and threw the bitch at the car.

And in Texas during the summer it gets really freaking hot, so you know when they eventually stopped and got out of their car they said to themselves, "man I wish I hadn't cut that guy off because I wouldn't have burnt urine smell on my car."

Yeah that's right. And then this other time I filled a balloon up with refried beans as well as filling another balloon up with my urine. I kept both in my car till someone cut me off, but this time they got refried beans and urine thrown on their car, but did they know it was refried beans? I don’t think so.

Posted on April 12, 2006 in Purely Hypothetical | Link

So I was convincing my therapist the other day I wasn't crazy and while she was talking to me I interrupted her and said, "wait wait shhhhhh!!! (two second pause) the voices in my head are snoring."

Posted on June 29, 2005 in Purely Hypothetical | Link