Submitted by Jonalee Echols from Bullard Texas - http://www.ajokeaday.com/
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
3. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
6. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
7. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
9. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
10. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
11. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Posted on November 30, 2006 in Purely Hypothetical | Link | keep_your_sanit.mp3

It went something like this. “You girls look extremely attractive. Maybe it’s this finals high that I have because before my tests I just didn’t see the exquisite beauty in everything. Now that my finals are over everything just seems so damn awesome. I’m going to go have sex with a toaster. Later!”

Posted on November 29, 2006 in Purely Hypothetical | Link | sexy_elevators.mp3

1. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
2. Males who wonder why they should have a prostate exam usually get it in the end.
duncan - Victoria BC
3. I keep reading 'The Lord of the Rings' over and over. I guess it's just force of hobbit.
nyuser10 - New York City
4. 5000 hares have escaped from the zoo. The police are combing the area.
gumpa
5. I was going to study the work of Sigmund Freud, but I was too Jung to understand it.
kaatgp - Cape Coral, FL
6. What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion.
my sweetheart - Brownsville
7. I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.
Beaver movie
8. Low carb diets really go against the grain.
9. There is a growing body of obesity research.
10. Meet me at the clothes line. That's where I hang out!
11. The diet industry enjoys a heavy bottom line.
12. Some rappers are good but others are Ludacris.
Adam - Sulphur, LA
13. I bought a computer from The Nero Company. It comes with a CD/Rome burner.
SGT Snorkel - Iowa
14. When the poetess died she went to meter maker.
SGT Snorkel - Iowa
15. When my friend started to go bald, I tried not to laugh, but he looked hair-larious.
davey d - brum
16. Did you hear about the father that was difficult to see? He was transparent.

From Pun of the Day.

Posted on November 22, 2006 in Note To Self | Link | brick_pooped_a.mp3

In this piece I will use Abraham Maslow’s theory of personality to demonstrate how his concepts apply to my innate use of humor. I have applied four basic concepts, from Maslow’s theory, to demonstrate this aspect of my personality and how they describe my consistent humorous pattern of outlook to life. Such concepts include: hierarchy of needs, the self, self-acceptance, and psychological health.

Humor to me, as it correlates to Maslow’s theory of personality, serves as a multifaceted, nonlinear therapeutic technique that exists within each dimension of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It bridges the gap between the different levels of individual awareness and facilitates the progression of realization from the lower mind (self) to the higher mind (Real Self) in which a radical depolarization of perception occurs and as a consequence perception of life and reality is recontextualized. Thus, I have found humor assists in the transcendence of the more primitive conditional needs perpetuated by mentalizations, which subserve emotionalities and personalized wants, into the higher self-actualization need.

I have experienced that humor offsets and precludes emotional pain and anxiety with which it transcends the negative by exposing unspoken fallacies that would otherwise be unapproachable by virtue of resonance within the lower dimensional levels of perception (lower needs). Humor exposes the suppressed aspects of human psyche so they can be identified and more easily acknowledged, owned, and thereby transcended by the illusory, transparency of the fallacy.

With proper application, humor unequivocally sets a fundamental stage of contrast between what the mind perceives and the substratum essence of reality. Psychological denial can originate from guilt, and when guilt is alleviated, inner honesty ensues as self-acceptance is established – a product of the self-actualization need.

Humor diminishes the value placed on misperceived fallacies, originating from the lower self, by contrasting psychological road blocks with innate actualizing tendencies by means of placing them into juxtaposition. Accordingly, facilitating realization and supporting an effortless movement through the hierarchy of needs, humor assists in the direction of attention and focus of self-actualizing creativity. As such, the epiphenomenal consequence of humor has helped me transition the ephemerality of peak experiences into a state of interminable compassion as unconditional acceptance and discernment is employed for the self and others.

Humor stems from an innate propensity to be creative, to be confident, and to feel free to express desires beyond society’s constraints by revealing alternative viewpoints and options of expression and is therefore liberating and freeing which has contributed to my psychological health, undoubtedly. Furthermore, Humor coincides with B-love as being nonpossessive, unselfish and based on a growth need of reflection rather than deficiency or worry and guilt. It has helped to retain and rediscover the fresh, innocent and naïve way of looking at life as I once did as a child.

Humor serves as the texture to the painting of life, in which the canvas is reality and the mind is the paintbrush. Like spontaneously buying really comfortable underwear, humor contributes to the happiness and tranquility of life, which is the ultimate, ineffable peak experience.

Posted on November 8, 2006 in Note To Self | Link | humor_and_perso.mp3